She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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