I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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