like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
