Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
