I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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