Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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