I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
