I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
