and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
