ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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