I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
