If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
