was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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