We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
