what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The beer is more important than you right now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
