I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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