Yo dont text me then not text me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
