He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
