I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
