Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
