i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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