I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
