Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
