So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
