Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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