Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
