your parents love me but you hate me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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