How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i need an iv and a liver transplant
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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