i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
