You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I forget how to act sober
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
