I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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