I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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