i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
