i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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