at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
