I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
