i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
