her vagine was all disorganized.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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