There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
