Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
