so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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