I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
