JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
