i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
