marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
