He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
