Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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