How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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