i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
