Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
