i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
