You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
