hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
