I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
