DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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