so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
