She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
